I can’t lie down or tilt my head without feeling like the Earth has dropped out from under me. If I had a dollar for everytime I have to cling to a wall or the nearest person throughout the day to stop myself from toppling over, I’d be a rich woman.

I suppose I should go and see a doctor about it but I haven’t seen a GP for roughly 13 years and I don’t really plan on changing that anytime soon. I’ll just stick to Dr. Google — who says it could be three different types of cancer or something called benign paroxysmal positional vertigo — until I start blacking out or die or something.

On the plus side, I get to grope good looking men and blame it on my “dizzy spells”.

I really can’t seem to finish anything 100% these days. It’s really quite annoy

I love telling people, as they take a large mouthful of milk, that they’re drinking “cow puss.” It elicits such glorious (and sometimes physical!) reactions.

I am such a child.